This is the satirical piece, written in March 2010, that got me banned from Daily Kos.
At the time they accused me of making fun of the "occupation" when, in fact, I was making fun of them! It got 423 comments, almost all of which were negative, but some people found the piece funny. It was certainly fun to write, anyway.
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Sheikh Jarrah, East Jerusalem --- The entire world was shocked yesterday when this reporter revealed that retired electrician, Ehud David Netanyolmert, shook the peace process to its roots by building an illegal second bathroom in his East Jerusalem home.
“This is yet another example of Israeli intransigence,” said Palestinian Authority PM, Mahmoud Abbas. “We cannot negotiate with the Israelis if they insist upon violating international law with the continued building on Palestinian lands. Israel must pressure Mr. Netanyolmert to dismantle the illegal mini-settlement that he has constructed.”
Only slightly taken aback by the world community’s rejection of the second bathroom, Benjamin Netanyahu told the Jerusalem Post, “Israel wants peace and two states for two peoples. The Palestinians need to sit down at the negotiating table and I honestly do not see what some guy's second bathroom has to do with anything.”
In Washington, US President Barack Obama convened an emergency meeting with his cabinet in order to evaluate the situation and to determine the best response to this most recent Israeli aggression. In response to the crisis US diplomat George Mitchell claimed, “Israelis have rights, but so do the Palestinian people. While the United States remains deeply committed to Israeli security, it is entirely unclear how the second bathroom promotes that security or in any way advances the cause of peace.”
When queried about this blatant Zionist violation of international law Mr. Netanyolmert objected to the entire line of enquiry. “You people are meshuganah,” Netanyolmert said while standing in his doorway, wearing his jammies and blinking into the morning sun. “Are you honestly telling me that Vladimir Putin objects to my second bathroom on the grounds that it is an impediment to peace? Vladimir Putin? Really?”
It should be obvious to any reasonable observer that Mr. Netanyolmert’s myopia regarding Zionist aggression, and his willingness to derail the peace process, cannot be allowed to go unchallenged. The Palestinian peace organization, Hamas, therefore responded today with a flurry of Qassam and Katyusha rocket attacks on S’derot and Ashkelon. The typical Israeli myopia extended to former S’derot mayor, Eli Moyal, who, while quivering under his desk, is alleged to have told his secretary, “Second bathroom? What second bathroom? What the hell are these people talking about?”
Meanwhile, a variety of Israeli left-of-center organizations are planning a mass rally in opposition to The Second Bathroom. Naomi Chazan, of the New Israel Fund, said that dozens of people will gather outside Mr. Netanyolmert’s home in solidarity with Palestinian activists in a No Second Bathroom rally. The protestors will carry signs reading, “Get the Hell out of the Bathroom!” and “Netanyolmert, Zionist Criminal Baby Killer!” and “Who Do These Jews Think They Are, Anyway?!”
Some fear that just as Ariel Sharon's stroll on the Temple Mount inevitably caused the Al-Aqsa Intifada, so Mr. Netanyolmert's violation of Palestinian sovereignty might spark a third... The First Second Bathroom Intifada.
One hopes that if the Israeli government makes the necessary concessions by evacuating the bathroom then the Palestinian Authority might be persuaded to sit down for peace talks.
But who would blame the PA if they refuse?
This story is one of those that just leaves me scratching my head.
ReplyDeleteSo Pepsi is sponsoring a soccer team in Gaza and the team is supported by Hamas?
Ummmm...
See what happens when you don't follow the progressive, "Jews bad, Palestinians cuddly 'lil angels," narrative? dKos sux.
ReplyDeleteWhat inspired me to write is was because they were complaining about 50 apartment units that were approved somewhere in Jerusalem.
Delete50 apartments.
That was it.
And yet they were still bitching and moaning and complaining about it.
It's that toilet paper stand that did it. Look closely. See?
ReplyDeleteIt's bolted to the floor. A permanent structure if I've ever seen one.
Yup.
ReplyDeleteThere are something like 5.5 million dead in the Congo over the last 10 uears because of the strife there.
5.5 million.
Yet if you were to look at:
http://www.dailykos.com/tag/congo
you will find a grand total 138 entrees.
If you were to look at:
http://www.dailykos.com/tag/israel
you will find, as of today, 10,623 entries and you can be sure that they are not love letters.
So, what does that tell you about the people who claim to speak for universal human rights?
Perhaps reading (all of the content of each of) the following articles (and, therein, reading all of the facts -- FACTS --- in each of the following articles) may help one to understand.
ReplyDelete----
The modern "Protocols of Zion" - How the mass media now promotes the same lies that caused the death of more than 5 million Jews in WWII, by Francisco Gil-White
Part 1 - Introduction: The "Protocols of Zion" in the broadest historical perspective.
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/mprot1.htm
Part 7 - Why do people say that ‘the Jews’ control the media? They don’t.
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/mprot7.htm
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Is the US an ally of Israel? - A chronological look at the evidence, by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/hirally.htm
"Around the world, there is a striking convergence of opinion concerning the relationship between the US and Israel.
"Supporters of the PLO - synonymous with 'supporters of a Palestinian state', because the PLO will run any such state - are convinced that the US is an ally of Israel. Some believe the US employs Israel in order to expand the American empire, and others - echoing the claims of that infamous forgery, 'The Protocols of Zion' - believe that history's greatest superpower, the US, is actually the pawn of tiny Israel. Either way, they are agreed that the US and Israel are supposedly 'a team.'
"Supporters of Israel naturally disagree with supporters of the PLO about most things but not on this point, as they also believe that the US is a friend of Israel - perhaps its only real friend. Whereas those who are pro-PLO are especially infuriated by perceived US support for Israel, those who are pro-Israel are deliriously grateful for the same (especially so in the case of Zionist Jews).
"Given that across the spectrum of those politically mobilized on this issue, from one pole to the other, everybody appears to have the same opinion on this, casual observers are naturally drawn into agreement as well, creating a crushing consensus all over the world: the US is an ally of Israel.
"But is it true?
"Let us first ask: what is an ally? My dictionary defines 'ally' as 'one who is associated with another as helper.'
"Everybody knows that the US says it supports Israel. But actions speak louder than words. What is the evidence of US actions? In this piece I provide a chronological list of relevant US policies over the years. ..."
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UNDERSTANDING THE PALESTINIAN MOVEMENT - AN HIR SERIES, IN FOUR PARTS, by Francisco Gil-White
Introduction
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/pal_mov.htm
Was there, in British Mandate Palestine, a ‘nationally conscious’ ‘Palestinian Arab people’?
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/pal_mov2.htm
Did the Zionist Jews take something away from the Arabs in British Mandate 'Palestine'?
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/pal_mov3.htm
How did the 'Palestinian movement' emerge? The British sponsored it. Then the German Nazis, and the US.
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/pal_mov4.htm
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PLO murders US diplomats; US State Department protects...the PLO!, by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/state_plo.htm
PLO/Fatah's Nazi training was CIA-sponsored, by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/cia-fatah.htm
The CIA protected Adolf Eichmann, architect of the Holocaust - Has the US ruling elite been pushing a pro-Nazi policy?, by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/eichmann.htm
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Antisemitism is everywhere in the mass media - Sometimes it is relatively subtle..., by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/subtle.htm
More:
ReplyDeleteArticles on antisemitism and the Arab-Israeli conflict, by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/israel/guide-israel.htm
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About Francisco Gil-White:
How Historical and Investigative Research (HIR) came to be..., by Francisco Gil-White
http://www.hirhome.com/bio.htm
The Secret War Against the Jews, by John Loftus and Mark Aarons
ReplyDeletehttp://books.google.com/books/about/The_secret_war_against_the_Jews.html?id=trU7nY-T-4EC
"The authors demonstrate that numerous Western countries, especially the United States and Great Britain, have conducted repeated and willful spying missions on Palestine* and later Israel over many decades. While on the surface these two countries and others profess to be ardent allies of Israel, they work, in fact, through their intelligence services to betray Israel's secrets to the Arabs. Their motive: oil and multinational profits, which must be attained at any price through international covert policies. To understand the duplicitous nature of the West's diplomatic relations with Israel, the authors contend that one must understand the history that begins after the end of World War I with the sordid Mideast exploits of a British diplomat, Jack Philby. They then proceed into a detailed discussion of the boardrooms of American and English bankers and lawyers who had strong connections with Nazi leaders and Arab oil tycoons in the 1930s prior to the outbreak of World War II. Particularly intriguing is the information that the writers present to suggest an all-too-cozy financial relationship that existed between the Allied intelligence community and German banks even during the war. One of the authors' chief contentions is that Israel was the unwitting victim of bungled Western spy operations such as Iran-Contra and BCCI, whose true dimensions have never previously been exposed. A consistent theme is that the White House and the British Secret Service have repeatedly run illegal programs, hidden from both the CIA and Congress, and then used the Jews as scapegoats."
America's Nazi Secret: An Insider's History, by John Loftus
http://www.amazon.com/Americas-Nazi-Secret-Insiders-History/dp/1936296047
"Fully revised and expanded, this stirring account reveals how the U.S. government permitted the illegal entry of Nazis into North America in the years following World War II. This extraordinary investigation exposes the secret section of the State Department that began, starting in 1948 and unbeknownst to Congress and the public until recently, to hire members of the puppet wartime government of Byelorussia—a region of the Soviet Union occupied by Nazi Germany. A former Justice Department investigator uncovered this stunning story in the files of several government agencies, and it is now available with a chapter previously banned from release by authorities and a foreword and afterword with recently declassified materials."
Note: * "Palestine": British Mandate of Palestine
Who is Who in German trade with Iran?, by Matthias Küntzel
ReplyDeletehttp://www.matthiaskuentzel.de/contents/who-is-who-in-german-trade-with-iran
Ahmadinejad's Bank, by Matthias Küntzel
http://www.matthiaskuentzel.de/contents/ahmadinejads-bank
"Germany has to make up its mind about calling a halt to the activties of Hamburg-based EIH bank"