Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Breaking: Jews Build Housing for Themselves in Jerusalem

Michael L.

In a move of unprecedented audacity the Israeli government has announced plans to build 380 homes in East Jerusalem.

The Times of Israel writes:
Israeli authorities gave final approval on Wednesday to the construction of 380 new homes in two Jewish neighborhoods of East Jerusalem, a local official said

“The municipal commission has given construction permits for 307 homes in Ramot and 73 in Har Homa,” Pepe Alalu, a Jerusalem city councilor with the opposition Meretz party, told AFP.

He accused local officials of taking advantage of attention focusing on Israeli elections due in March to expand construction in disputed areas.

“This kind of decision distances us from any chance of reaching an agreement with the Palestinians,” he said.
Needless to say, the Obama administration is entirely opposed to the very notion that Jews would build housing for themselves in Jerusalem without his personal approval.

In conversation with the Associated Press, President Obama is quoted as saying, "Who do these Jews think that they are, anyways?  The Judaization of Jerusalem will not go unpunished."

In response, Benjamin Netanyahu suggested that Obama could "kiss my yiddishe tucchus" thereby ensuring for himself another term as the Israeli Prime Minister.

What the Jews of Israel seem not to understand is that they have no right to live normal lives on the very land that Jews come from.  Mahmoud Abbas knows this.  Barack Obama knows this.  So, what the heck is wrong with Benjamin Netanyahu?

Why is it always Netanyahu that is the odd man out?

Obama and Abbas agree that Jews should be allowed to live in certain places, but not in others.  Among the places that Obama and Abbas agree that Jews should not be allowed to live, and thus build housing for themselves, is in Judea.

For Jews to build housing for themselves in Judea would be an infringement on the rights of the indigenous Arab population and President Barack Obama will simply not allow any such infringement on native rights during his tenure.

"The Jewish people are a fine people," Obama said.  "And while they have the same rights as other peoples, they have no right to just do whatever they want.  Jerusalem does not belong to the Jewish people, after all.  We do not know who it belongs to.  Possibly the Turks or the Amish, but until we figure it out the Jews have no right to just go building, willy-nilly."

State Department spokesperson Jen Psaki told the press that "Israel is a very important strategic partner to the United States.  However, it must be understood that Jews do not get to building housing for themselves on Jewish land without permission."

In response to this set of international criticisms the Knesset broke out into brawl which lasted until Israeli Minister of Foreign Affairs, Avigdor Lieberman, personally kicked each and every one of their asses.

He was quoted as saying, "Shut the f**k up and sit your asses down!"

Which is precisely what they have done since.


  1. In solidarity, I do believe I will 'storm' a South Philly taco truck, and / or an Amish meat purveyor in Reading Terminal Market...

    1. Reading Terminal Market.

      I know that place.

      I had a cheesesteak there.

      That's the famous Philly indoor market with a gazillion stalls, right?

      Philadelphia is a terrific town and I came this close to moving there at one point.

    2. Yup, that's the place!

      Then I guess in an alternate universe somewhere, you did move to Philadelphia, and I still live in Oakland. Heh.

  2. Replies
    1. I will 'desecrate' a plate of tacos de tripas like you wouldn't believe, Doodad!