Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Breaking: Jew Builds Second Bathroom in East Jerusalem

Michael Lumish

{This is the satirical bit that got me booted off of Daily Kos, lo these many years ago.}

Sheikh Jarrah, East Jerusalem --- The entire world was shocked yesterday when this reporter revealed that retired electrician, Ehud David Netanyolmert, shook the peace process to its roots by building an illegal second bathroom in his East Jerusalem home.

“This is yet another example of Israeli intransigence,” said Palestinian Authority PM, Mahmoud Abbas. “We cannot negotiate with the Israelis if they insist upon violating international law with the continued building on Palestinian lands. Israel must pressure Mr. Netanyolmert to dismantle the illegal mini-settlement that he has constructed.”

Only slightly taken aback by the world community’s rejection of the second bathroom, Benjamin Netanyahu told the Jerusalem Post, “Israel wants peace and two states for two peoples. The Palestinians need to sit down at the negotiating table and I honestly do not see what some guy's second bathroom has to do with anything.”

In Washington, US President Barack Obama convened an emergency meeting with his cabinet in order to evaluate the situation and to determine the best response to this most recent Israeli aggression. In response to the crisis, US diplomat George Mitchell claimed, “Israelis have rights, but so do the Palestinian people. While the United States remains deeply committed to Israeli security, it is entirely unclear how the second bathroom promotes that security or in any way advances the cause of peace.”

When queried about this blatant Zionist violation of international law Mr. Netanyolmert objected to the entire line of inquiry. “You people are meshuganah,” Netanyolmert said while standing in his doorway, wearing his jammies and blinking into the morning sun. “Are you honestly telling me that Vladimir Putin objects to my second bathroom on the grounds that it is an impediment to peace?  Vladimir Putin?  Really?”

It should be obvious to any reasonable observer that Mr. Netanyolmert’s myopia regarding Zionist aggression, and his willingness to derail the peace process, cannot be allowed to go unchallenged. The Palestinian peace organization, Hamas, therefore responded today with a flurry of Qassam and Katyusha rocket attacks on S’derot and Ashkelon. The typical Israeli myopia extended to former S’derot mayor, Eli Moyal, who, while quivering under his desk, is alleged to have told his secretary, “Second bathroom? What second bathroom? What the hell are these people talking about?”

Meanwhile, a variety of Israeli left-of-center organizations are planning a mass rally in opposition to The Second Bathroom. Naomi Chazan, of the New Israel Fund, said that dozens of people will gather outside Mr. Netanyolmert’s home in solidarity with Palestinian activists in a No Second Bathroom rally. The protestors will carry signs reading, “Get the Hell out of the Bathroom!” and “Netanyolmert, Zionist Criminal Baby Killer!” and “Who Do These Jews Think They Are, Anyway?!”

Some fear that just as Ariel Sharon's stroll on the Temple Mount inevitably caused the Al-Aqsa Intifada, so Mr. Netanyolmert's violation of Palestinian sovereignty might spark a third... The First Second Bathroom Intifada.

One hopes that if the Israeli government makes the necessary concessions by evacuating the bathroom then the Palestinian Authority might be persuaded to sit down for peace talks.

But who could blame the PA if they refuse?

37 comments:

  1. Only now do I realize that the world's backed up toilets are a zionist scheme.

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  2. Seriously, they booted you for this?
    Is that when you realized it was a cesspool of irrational hatred, bigotry, and racism?

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    1. You know, I disagree with most of what you guys write here but in reading the comments.... Good lord, what was I thinking back in 2010? To think one could reason with those a-holes is incredible and really, really dumb. I like to think my GBCW diary vindicated that to a degree, but I have to mea culpa for thinking that there was reason on that side and for my even thinking that was a possibility. Ugh....

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    2. They all seem to think they are great experts on Israel, even more so about 'palestinians,' a people and nation no one had ever heard of, except of course the European use of the term used to derogatorily describe Jews as foreigners within their midst. They make sure to mention words like the standard "brutal." Examples: The 'palestinian' life expectancy has risen precipitously during the "brutal occupation." The amount of running water and electricity has risen precipitously due to the "brutal occupation." For the first time in history there are 'palestinian' universities, and 'palestinians' are far more educated than anywhere else in the Arab world since the onslaught of the "brutal occupation." 'palestinian' population growth has been outstanding during the 'genocide' they are experiencing due to the "brutal occupation."

      I also found out that your grossly "insensitive" remarks were only two weeks away from the anniversary of the death of the vile nut case Rachel Corrie. Only two weeks away? What were you thinking! :0) How dare you spit on the memory of misguided, misdirected, middle class white girls who learn the TRUTH at Evergreen College and enter war zones to jump in front of bulldozers! And only two weeks away from her anniversary! Mike, why didn't you send a card ? Being a middle class, misdirected, and misguided white girl she had every expectation that this would be a "safe space" for her. I am surprised the 'right-wing and racist" Israeli bulldozer driver didn't stop, and jump out to genuflect in front of her beautiful white skin.

      They seem to be very insistent that none of any of this has anything remotely to do with antisemitism, which is of course laughable, and that the entire problem is "right wing Jews," with volley boy giving them all his left wing (but I am a good Jew) credentials to no avail.
      It's not surprising. My dog doesn't want to give up his bone either.
      If these people want to remain strangers to the library, screw them.

      As you can see, I'd be booted out of that place in 2 seconds flat. I decided some time ago I would never put up with that sort of crap again. Never again. Never again.

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    3. volleyboy1, you were if not the foremost, than among the foremost, of the pro-Israel / pro-Palestinian speakers on Daily Kos at that time.

      A million years ago.

      But, we were both active in that period and you bent over backwards in order to relate to the "Palestinian narrative" for the simple purpose of encouraging harmony and encouraging peace.

      They hated me because, now and again, I told them to go fuck themselves.

      But I think that the Daily Kos anti-Zionists probably came to hate you even more because you tried harder than anyone to reconcile the irreconcilable.

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    4. Oh they did my man.. By the end they hated me because as one of the a-holes put it, I "humanized" Netanyahu and the Israelis. It broke their "cartoon like" narrative and they couldn't stand that. They felt like you were a more "honest" version of me. And they never understood that there are (or even could be) differences in the Zionist community about policy.

      I did try to understand their P.O.V. because having lived there I saw elements of what they are talking about. Just watch "Fauda" on Netflix. You can see it for yourself. It is an honest portrayal of the conflict in the West Bank / Occupied Territories / Judea and Samaria (I can't wait for season two).

      I tried but I failed. And I failed in part because I was wrong / naive to believe what they claimed. I know Palestinians and lived in J'slem next to Palestinians who one can talk to and work with. But on-line tends to bring out reactionary fringes. I was wrong to think I was talking to normal people. I wasn't.

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  3. It's worse now, but the most ardent antisemites need not show there anymore, as the anti-Israel indoctrination is virtually complete. It is a den of illiberality and virtue signalling, where there is hardly a qualm to show bigotry if a black woman or man dares to sing a different tune. If only they did not act so self-important, which makes them both funny and sad.

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  4. Well if nothing else, humor is dead. It was publicly beheaded by the denim suede police. I don't believe that anyone under the age of 25 understands irony, satire, sarcasm, humor. The French used to have a word 'chantepleure' which will likely be against the law soon. But I think Werner Herzog is the world's greatest standup comedian so when they criminalize it it will be the greatest joke of all time.

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  5. Your problem Volley was that you thought, like many did, that you were on a relatively Liberal site. It was never that. It was a cardboard cut out for far leftists/neo-commies and the like who sucked in more Liberal types by saying its mission was to elect more and BETTER Democrats (code word for far-leftists, something the average American really doesn't understand.) It's evolution was always going to be along the lines of the Corbynist Labour party which if rife with antisemitism while claiming it's merely Pro-Palestinian. By the time you realized something was wrong, you had become one of the few pro-Israel types left so no matter how rational you tried to be, you were a target of ideologues for who rational debate was a weakness so you had to be baited until you broke. Decent guy in a fetid swamp. Didn't stand a chance.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Even when there was no intent to bait, too easily baited. Not just regarding Israel, but the progressive narrative. The Progressive Zionist web site was, in many respects, also a swamp. Such treatment of people, at either site, was and is inexcusable, not to mention the disconnect between stated values and behavior.

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  6. Well, if you're happy then I am happy.

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  7. Lol, seriously, I did share this with friends.
    BTW, as a NYC DOE teacher, I am attending a city sponsored conference tonight on Racial Equality tonight. The material they gave us as mandated pre-reading is quite scary. It starts from presumptions of "white privilege", and goes down hill from there. Gotta love that intersectionality. The thing I find most sickening besides the white bashing, is the truly racist presumption that people of color have to start with lowered expectations. I'd find it insulting if I was told I was stupid before I even was introduced to a concept (like Homer Simpson once said "Doc, can you dumb it down a shade?") But worse is the idea that you are unintelligent because of white privilege. Crazy.

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    1. They want to ensure that the people who will eventually replace you don't think the same way you do.
      Don't you just love it when small groups of radicals infiltrate and take over large institutions.

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    2. If I was a paranoid conspiracy type guy I'd almost think all this white privilege, intersectionality stuff was a false flag thing designed to fuel further racial unrest rather than some kind of fix.

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    3. JeffwithaJ-
      "Don't you just love it when small groups of radicals infiltrate and take over large institutions"
      No. They just don't like when anyone thinks!
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGXU7268Z50

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    4. They're forcing the issue.
      Can't tell you how much I resent such busy bodies who think it's their job to make you a better person based on their own badly grounded wacked-out ideas. It makes me want to scream.
      The mandate from the NYC DOE is crazy, it's harmful, it will be destructive, but they are getting away with it.

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  8. Mike, rereading those comments you'd think you something really awful like cut off the head of a 3 month old baby.

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    1. Doodad, I have to tell ya, it was a pretty surreal moment.

      Anything that was even remotely pro-Israel, as Jon Segall will attest, I think - as you will attest - and as many of the comments in the link above to Daily Kos clearly shows, were met with hostility.

      And, really, it is not as if I am a particularly hostile character.

      I know a thing or two about the subjects that I talk on and I like to stick my tongue in my cheek now-and-again, but what the fuck?

      These people are meshuganah.

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    2. Mike, it was the typical leftist progression of discourse, SOP, the way they operate. That's why it eventually boiled down to letting actual (more likely fake) Palestinians leading the outrage. Then the others could gang up on the racist that obviously hates Palestinians. It was a game, Mike. I can guarantee you that a group of them had some place they chatted and planned strategies and who to target and how far they could go, etc.

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  9. Over at Daily Kos, it seems that Iran garners more favor than Israel, and even the Obama-less USA. It's sad there how serious people take themselves, as if they make a real difference, as they pretend they are better, smarter, and more moral. In many instances, they are the exact opposite. But at least they have a sandbox. No longer do they matter. As times change, and their relevancy increasingly diminishes, the noise will not.

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    1. Yeah, the place is dying off. The Trump effect?

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    2. Trump has something to do with it, but they started eating their own beforehand. It seems more akin to the university environment, replete with virtue signalling expressed through hatred of Trump and deplorables. Diversity once existed there, especially at the start, but came the purges, like Salem. It won't die, just become more fringe. Part of the alt-Left.

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  10. Yep Doodad you might be right concerning my "naivete" (my word)regarding the on-line anti-Israel community. I don't know that I "broke" - I just more realized that these were serious anti-Semites (and anti-American)posing as Liberals / Progressives AND that Markos was enabling them in some strange effort to garner support for his greater cause of opposing the Republicans. It was an interesting multi-year lesson in being on-line. But we learn. That said, I am still very anti-Trump BUT in the group that I run on FB we toss out the occasional anti-Semitic poser (and they rarely show up - we have been very vigilant about keeping our criticisms factual and out of M.E. politics). Most people I talk to could care less about the M.E. and honestly despite my connections to Israel (which I care about and support), I have much deeper concerns about my own nation.

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    1. Volley, naive is NOT a word I would use to describe you or your time at dKos. You had every reason to expect the place to be welcoming of respectful discourse. AND you (and others) had it for awhile. When I said broke I meant in their feeble minds, not that you actually broke.

      I never did figure Markos out. Mike argues he wasn't an antisemite but I have my doubts even though he wasn't overt. The place always gave me an increasingly strange vibe after a very short while and especially so after the blatant, constant antisemitism.
      Anti-Trump is ok; you're in good company.

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    2. Well Doodad - that's why I clarified "naivete" was my word. But I think it's accurate. I really thought some of those folks could be reasonable. I was wrong. But I appreciate your kind words.

      I am not sure what I think about Markos but I disagree with Mike about him being an anti-Semite. I think he is a casual anti-Semite. What I mean by that is that I think he doesn't actively hate Jews, and he would say (and does have) he has Jewish friends. At the same time, I think down deep he has issues with Jewish people that he will rarely let "come to light". Hence, his tolerance and favoritism of outright bigots which is evidenced on his page. I don't think he is proud of that, but, it's pretty obvious it's there.

      It is a weird place but really it is just a reflection of other places in the commentary like Red State or Brietbart - just the other side of the coin (although it does have more factual / sourced content on it's main page). I still read it occasionally but usually I stick to Hard News sources and then form opinions off of that rather than let some talking head or analyst tell me what it means.

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    3. All this psychoanalysis. Kos allowed his site to become an antisemitic den. A casual antisemite is still an antisemite.

      There is no comparison between DKos and Breitbart, except in the comments. Breitbart actually reports news.

      DKos is a bunch of people trying to outdo one another that they are more pure progressives than the others. Red State users, from observation, do not try to pretend who they are. Less hypocrisy overall. DKos at the start had more diversity of thought and more balance, but then it turned into a place where a few loud voices took over and users were censored or banned, a safe space for repressive tolerance to flourish.

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  11. Evil Trump captures 3 people from N Korea. He gets more Hitler-like every day.

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  13. Mike,
    Thanks for posting Rubber Soul. It's a great album.

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  14. In a sane moral world, every western nation would sanction Iran instead of giving it billions to attack Israel and kill Jews. Are Trump et al the only sane moral leaders left? How scary is that?

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  15. Here's a brand new and interesting conversation with Ben Shapiro interviewing Dave Rubin. Dave gives his thoughts about being Jewish and Israel towards the end. Check it out.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGJx4qyc7mM

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